MENU
Mary’s Meat Malts “The Classic”
The Malt that started it all. Chuck beef. Short rib. Beef gravy. Blended with a malt powder into a thick slurry that sticks to your ribs as well as the bottom of the glass. Ask for the whipped tallow on top.
1/3 Pound $7.00
1/2 Pound $8.50
Candy Cane Cold Cuts (Seasonal)
Tis’ the seasons for post processed meats. Ham, baloney, pastrami, and salami blend in red ribbons laced with white swirls of fatback. Mixed with allspice, nutmeg, cinnamon, and no added nitrates. Served in a festive container with optional wick that will burn for 12 hours. (Warning: Do not inhale fumes. Best enjoyed in a well-ventilated room.)
Pint $6.50
Half-Gallon $8.00
Lee’s Liver and Orange Dreamsicle
This cool kiss of the summer sun includes liver, orange, cream, and – well actually, we’re not sure what’s in this. Whenever we ask Mary about the contents, she just touches the side of her nose and winks at us. The shake comes from an unlabeled white bucket in the back that mysteriously fills up every morning. Every drink comes with a crazy straw.
Pint $4.75
Half-Gallon $6.00
Chris’ “Fugetaboutit” Fudge Fountain
Because when you’re family, you’re here. Take your favorite Italian meal – Chicken parmesan, Beef Bolognese, Lasagna Classico – and blend it an industrial-grade blender to create a consistent color and texture. Served with a dollop of fudge and with a price you can’t refuse.
For Two – Can’t Refuse
Family Meal Trough – Can’t Refuse
Frances Unicorn Poop Surprise
████████ ██████ ███ ████ half bottle of glitter ██████ ████ ███ full shank ███████ ███████ not ██████ ████ avoid the eyes ███████ ████ the blue cream████ ████ ████ try not to ████ ████ please don’t ████ ████ ████ ████ and served with cotton candy top.
Pint: ██████
Half-Gallon: ██████
Rob’s Coke Float
Bring a taste of the past wherever you go. Thin cuts of prime rib, skirt steak, and whatever doesn’t make the “5 second rule” in the kitchen rest in a vat of your favorite dark soda for who knows how long. We ladle in chunks found at the bottom, the darkish brine, and the whip topping of what floats to the top. The result is a kind of protein Kombucha that’s developed sentience.
1 Personality: $10.50
5 Personalities: $50.00
Adalbert’s Ark
Bert saves all the flavors for his best brew. Two by two a selection of meats from around the world enter the shake. Get a double portion of ostrich, alligator, goat, donkey, guinea pig, opossum, and whatever we scrape off I-90 that morning.
Metal drum: $15.00